Beginning

I'm not feeling very adventurous today, as I begin and title this blog.

But I feel like I've been needing to reframe.
I've just been getting by.
Hanging in there.
Surviving.
And enjoying life, much of the time ...
but often without a clear grasp of its meaning.

I know better.
But then why am I so reluctant to put distractions aside and stop to talk to my Maker?
Why am I not finding the delight I once did in going for a walk to talk with Him,
or pouring out my heart?

Oh, I know it's never a CONSTANT delight.
But I go through phases where it is.
Like last fall--2005, that is. Every day I so looked forward to those quiet times,
out in nature,
looking at the trees,
rocking on my porch,
drawing close to Him and experiencing the transformation that comes from intimate connection.

But since spring of 2006, it's been a chore far more often than not.
There have still been bright spots. Absolutely, there are.

But most days there is a reluctance ... a sense of going through the motions. Of living for Him on a surfacey, conversational level, but not at the level of my automatic thoughts, my impulses. I go through the day ignoring Him most of the time.

Ask, and you shall receive.
I have been asking.
But what is holding me back?
Are my hands not truly open?
Am I so content with the small adventures of my own little story that I'm forgetting the great adventure of living as a player in YOUR Great Story?
God, save me from that fate!