Six years later ...

It has been such an incredibly long time since I posted here. So much life has happened. I was in survival mode for a very long time, as mama to two infants and wife to a new pastor trying to get a handle on his new job. As it turned out, spiritually I was in survival mode for a long time, too. I've been through so many trials, challenges and lessons since I last wrote on this blog ... but I have seen so many of those trials turned to gold. ETA: My apologies for the wall of text. In my composer, this is 6 paragraphs, not one. Not sure why it's not posting that way! My health, praise God, has been *relatively* stable. I've had some issues but considering it's now been 14 years since my first MS attack and 8 years since my second attack and definite diagnosis (shortly before I started this blog), I am so thankful for where I am now. I recently read through my old entries and comments from some very dear sisters who read and encouraged me through a very difficult time. I'm so glad I did write this, and that some of you took the time to read my story and encourage me. I was struck by all that God was doing then and has done since then. TJ has had some serious health issues and so have both of our boys (one in particular). All three of them have almost died (no exaggeration) at different times and after some scary ambulance rides and hospital stays, thankfully they are still living and breathing. We have several chronic conditions to stay on top of but thankfully we are all doing relatively well at this point in terms of our physical health. Our boys are 6 years old. Rising first-graders. It is surreal. This summer they have both been full of questions about God. Raising them has been more challenging than I ever would have imagined, but I love their hearts to learn about God and their desire to read the Bible ... and how endlessly entertaining they are! As for me, God has been doing a lot of intense work in my heart and life in recent months. I've experienced so much joy, pain, spiritual warfare, and growth. I'm in a season right now that is intense emotionally and spiritually. At times I get overwhelmed or discouraged. But above all, I have to testify to God's faithfulness, His tender mercies and His unfailing love. I am so thankful for those, and that He is our Rock, our Refuge, our Firm Foundation, thankful for this hope we have that's the anchor for our souls. In the midst of all the sin around us in this broken world, the ways that we're hurt, that we hurt others, and that we watch so many others hurting and often feel powerless to really help ... God is renewing yet again my eternal perspective. The fact that He can redeem ANYTHING. That these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. That He is Light, and in Him is no darkness at all. He brings Light and hope to any situation, no matter how bleak it may seem from our perspective. God has given me a renewed passion to snap me out of aspects of survival mode that were lingering from those twin newborn/toddler days, convicting me of ways I've lived for myself or been afraid of truly denying myself and taking up my cross daily and following Him. Convicting me that I have believed lies that denying myself for His sake would be miserable, rather than recognizing it's the only route to TRUE joy and freedom. He's been stirring up my affections for Him. I'm not sure what's next--I thought I was on a path to professional ministry in the fall and right now God has me on a detour. I'm not sure exactly where it leads but if you read this post, please pray for me: for clarity and guidance, and for me to grow more like Christ day by day and not fall back into old patterns.