Divorce, Remarriage and Ministry

This entry was inspired by the "Marriage Monday" post on Divorce and Remarriage. A few months ago I wrote a paper on divorce, remarriage and ministry (i.e. how the Church handles the issue of divorced and remarried persons serving in ministry positions). I think this is a very important topic, and one that we as Christians *must* wrestle with; it affects so many people around us and we need to know what we believe and why!

I don't know if any of you will actually make it through this, but for people who are really wanting to research the topic, I figured I'd go ahead and post it. :) For anyone who does read it, I am eager to get your feedback! :)

(I did include my loong reference list at the end if you are looking for more sources!) This was for a class for Christian counselors, so you'll notice that theme popping up. :) (And it's written in APA format.)

The Divorced and Remarried in Ministry

Charles Stanley, pastor of Atlanta’s First Baptist Church, is one of America’s best-known preachers. His high-profile divorce in 2000 from his wife of 49 years sent shockwaves throughout evangelical circles. When Stanley, with the approval of his elders and congregation, retained his position as senior pastor after the divorce, the ensuing controversy demonstrated that there is still widespread disagreement among evangelicals about the place of the divorced and remarried in ministry (Baptist Press, 2000; Colson, 2000).

Evangelicals have not found agreement on how to interpret biblical passages referring to divorce and remarriage, leading to a wide range of attitudes and policies throughout the Church toward divorce and remarriage in general (Adams, 1980; Blomberg, 1990; Heth, 1995; House, 1990; Laney, 1992; Luck, 1987; MacLeod, 1992; Snuth, 1990; Sprinkle, 1997; Wiebe, 1989). When scores of authors, each attempting to portray a “biblical” view, come to vastly different conclusions, the matter clearly requires careful and prayerful examination from Christians-- especially those involved in the issues, whether personally, or as Christian counselors or church leaders.

The current prevalence of divorce, both within and outside of the American church, guarantees that this is an issue that will face Christian counselors at some point in their careers. The Barna Group reports (2004) that married adults who consider themselves “born again Christians” are equally likely to get divorced as those who do not consider themselves born again Christians. The study also revealed that most Americans reject the notion that divorce is a sin. Not only is divorce and remarriage becoming more common within the church, but there is increasing social pressure to remove the “stigma” of divorce in Christian circles.

With such disparate views on the morality of divorce and remarriage, the question of what role affected persons can and should play in ministry is even thornier. Though a smaller number of scholars have attempted to answer this question, again, they come to a variety of conclusions (Adams, 1980; House, 1990; Luck, 1987; MacLeod, 1992; Saucy, 1974). Are churches sinning by allowing a divorced and remarried woman to teach Sunday School? What does a counselor say to the church elder who comes for premarital counseling with a previously divorced fiancée? Or to the betrayed pastor wondering if his ministry is over because his wife left him for another man? Or to the young Christian, divorced and remarried before coming to Christ, who now dreams of serving as a career missionary? And how should the circumstances of the divorce affect the answers to these questions?

Positions Within the Church on Divorce, Remarriage, and Ministry Roles
There are several beliefs about marriage, divorce and remarriage on which evangelicals generally tend to agree: Marriage is a divinely-ordained institution which is covenantal and binding; it is to conform to the model of Christ and His Church; divorce always stems from sin (of at least one party), therefore forgiveness and reconciliation are the ideal response to marital discord (Adams, 1980; House, 1990; Laney, 1992; MacLeod, 1992; Snuth, 1990). Positions on the issues beyond these points of agreement tend to fall into one of three broad categories: the patristic view, the “standard Protestant” view, and a more permissive view.

The strictest view, sometimes referred to as the patristic view because it was held by the early church fathers, is that marriage is an indissoluble union, which can be dissolved only by the death of one partner; therefore, any remarriage when the ex-spouse is still living is adulterous (House, 1990; Laney, 1992; Snuth, 1990). This view has two slight variations: 1. Divorce may be permissible in the case of adultery or abandonment, but remarriage is not unless one spouse dies (Heth, 1990), or 2. Divorce and remarriage are both always wrong, i.e. if an unbelieving spouse does abandon a Christian, the Christian “is not bound” to continue trying to pursue the marriage and can accept the divorce, but should not be the one to initiate the divorce (Laney, 1990). Proponents of the patristic view generally hold that the regulations of divorce given in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 were “permitted” not in the sense of receiving divine institution or approval, but tolerated and regulated in the same way that polygamy was regulated in the Mosaic Law, because of the hardness of the Israelite hearts as Jesus mentioned in Matthew 19:6 (Laney, 1992). They view Jesus’ “exception clause” in Matthew 19 as having a meaning narrower than “adultery” (as commonly rendered in English translations), such as that He was saying that divorce is only permitted in cases of incestuous marriages that were not legitimate marriages to begin with. They argue that, since Jesus is not quoted as mentioning any exceptions to His prohibition against divorce in Mark 10:2-12 or Luke 16:18, and since the divorce exception is not explicitly mentioned elsewhere in the New Testament, and also since the early church fathers taught “no remarriage,” that the so-called “exception clause” in Matthew 19 must have an alternate meaning (Heth, 1990; Laney, 1990). They interpret God’s statement that He hates divorce in Malachi 2:16 as clear proof that He would never sanction divorce under any circumstance (Laney, 1990). Although, again, some holders of the patristic view believe that God does grudgingly allow it in cases of adultery or desertion as long as no remarriage takes place (Heth, 1990). Since remarriage is considered a sin, those holding the patristic view generally place restrictions on the ministry and church leadership positions that can be held by persons who are divorced and remarried (House, 1990). If remarriage is considered adultery, many who hold the patristic view believe that Paul’s commands that an elder or deacon be “the husband of one wife” precludes the divorced and remarried from serving in these or comparable leadership positions (House, 1990; Saucy, 1974).

Another view, sometimes referred to as the “standard Protestant view” (Edgar, 1990, p. 151) is that the Bible allows for divorce for adultery or desertion with the subsequent right to remarry. Proponents of this view generally believe that, when commonly accepted hermeneutics are applied to Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:3-12 and Paul’s in 1 Corinthians 7:10-15, the result is a clear interpretation that divorce is acceptable when adultery or desertion by an unbeliever has occurred, and that the meaning of the divorce document is that the marriage is no longer binding and the divorced person is free to remarry (Adams, 1980; Edgar, 1990; MacLeod, 1992; Saucy, 1974). They also disagree with the view of marriage as indissoluble, pointing out that no verse in Scripture explicitly states that (Edgar, 1990). Many who hold this view interpret Jesus’ statement that God permitted divorce “because your hearts were hard” (Matthew 19:8, New International Version) to mean that God permits divorce so that a spouse in a damaging marriage is not subjected for life to the sins his or her hard-hearted spouse commits without repentance (Adams, 1980; Edgar, 1990; Sprinkle, 1997).

Some who hold this view also deal with the question of abandonment by a Christian spouse and other causes of divorce by writing that the Matthew 18 principle should always be followed in cases of marital distress (Adams, 1980). They argue that the Matthew 18 principle--where the injured party first confronting the offending party directly; then bringing in a third party and, finally, the church, if the offending party does not repent--should be followed in cases that could lead to divorce. They conclude that since Matthew 18 states that someone who does not respond to church discipline should be excommunicated and treated as a pagan, that desertion by a “Christian” spouse who falls into this category would be considered the same as desertion by an unbeliever and therefore also biblically allows for divorce and remarriage (Adams, 1980).

Those who hold this view point out that God’s statement in Malachi that He hated divorce was directed at Jewish men who were divorcing their faithful wives for younger, foreign women; therefore, they believe, He is not prohibiting all divorce but stating that He hates selfish actions that make a mockery of the marriage vows (Sprinkle, 1997). They point out that both Old and New Testament precedence for divorce for adultery exists: God wrote Israel a “certificate of divorce” (Jeremiah 3), and Joseph was described in Matthew 1:19 as a “righteous man” for his intention to divorce Mary when he found out that she was pregnant and he assumed she had been unfaithful.

Conclusions drawn by this group on the fitness of divorced and remarried persons for ministry vary: Some believe that those who were divorced on grounds other than adultery or desertion are thus disqualified from holding leadership positions in the Church; some believe that regardless of past history, all sins are forgivable and consequently, anyone who has repented and shown signs of spiritual maturity should be allowed to use his or her gifts to serve the church; others believe that those who have divorced on biblical grounds and remarried have not sinned but are still disqualified under Paul’s “husband of one wife” clause, and others believe that clause refers to being faithful to one’s current wife and in no way excludes the remarried from ministry (Adams, 1980; Edgar, 1990; Sprinkle, 1997).

The third view, which is considered a more “liberal” view, is probably more common among church members than biblical scholars. It is the closest to contemporary American society’s views of divorce and remarriage and is therefore palatable to a wider audience; however, there are also evangelical scholars who reach this conclusion after careful study and a sincere desire to be true to the inerrant Word of God. This view is that divorce and remarriage are permissible under a variety of circumstances, and that Jesus’ exemption for adultery and Paul’s for desertion were simply examples of acceptable reasons for divorce and were not intended to be an exhaustive list (Luck, 1987; MacLeod, 1992; Richards, 1990). Some proponents of this view take a dispensational approach to the question, stating that we live under an age of grace rather than law and that the ideal of “no divorce” is for the Millennium; that, in the sinful age in which we live, there are situations where we must adapt so we can live in peace (MacLeod, 1992). Others suggest that divorce only for adultery or desertion seems unreasonable or even cruel in cases such as domestic violence, sexual abuse of the children, or emotional cruelty. They believe that studying the rabbinic teachings of the day reveals that the Pharisees were really asking if the liberal Hillelite rabbi view of divorce—that it was acceptable for “any cause”—was biblical, and that Jesus’ was only prohibiting “any-cause” divorce, similar to “no-fault divorce” in our contemporary American context, but that divorce was allowable for any type of “immorality” (one possible meaning of the word often translated “adultery” or “unfaithfulness”), which agreed with the more conservative Shammaite interpretation (Instone-Brewer, 2007). Exodus 21:10-11, a text not often discussed by proponents of the stricter views of divorce and remarriage, allows divorce for neglect. Instone-Brewer (2007) argues that this grounds for divorce was widely accepted by the Jews in Jesus’ day, and the fact that Jesus did not explicitly reject this grounds for divorce means that it was still considered legitimate. This passage in Exodus states that everyone, even a slave wife, had three rights within marriage—the rights to food, clothing, and love. If these rights were neglected, the neglected spouse—whether male or female—had the right to seek freedom from that marriage. Proponents of this view teach that Paul reinforced this idea when he said that married couples owe each other love (1 Cor. 7:3-5), and material support (1 Cor. 7:33-34), and that Paul did not need to state that neglect of these rights was the basis of divorce because that was already understood; it was stated on the marriage certificate (Instone-Brewer, 2007). For pastors and other Christians who have struggled to apply stricter views of divorce and remarriage to people clearly suffering in a marriage, this view holds great appeal.

Counseling Research
The ideal place for a counselor to get involved in this issue is before a divorce takes place. If a Christian counselor can work with the troubled couple using an effective model such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2004), the counselor may be able to help bring reconciliation so that divorce never becomes an issue. If even just one member of the unhappy couple presents for counseling, there is hope that the changes brought about in that spouse’s life may affect the other and eventually lead to reconciliation (Collins, 1988). However, while this is the ideal, counselors may encounter a wide range of other scenarios or stages of the process, many of which have already been discussed: A Christian whose spouse (whether believing or unbelieving) is abusive, unfaithful, or determined to divorce, and unrepentant; a Christian who was divorced (whether on biblical or “unbiblical” grounds) and is seeking to remarry; a divorced and remarried Christian who desires to serve in a leadership role in ministry, or many other scenarios. A counselor who is involved in any of those scenarios needs to understand what psychological issues are present. Scores of books and articles have been written on counseling for marriage, divorce and remarriage; this topic cannot receive an in-depth treatment here, but a survey of common psychological issues involved is in order.

First, both before and after separation and divorce, one partner is often ahead of the other (or completely opposed to the other) in desire and readiness to end the relationship. This can cause a host of separation, transition and attachment issues that must be dealt with (Collins, 1988; Sweeper & Halford, 2006). The various stages of the divorce and recovery each present their own set of challenges. The pre-separation period is often so stressful that it can result in lasting depression, anxiety, low-self-esteem, self-doubt, anger, or guilt, especially in the partner who wants the marriage to continue (Collins, 1988).

Once separation or divorce does occur, counselors should be aware that relationship separation is associated with substantial adult adjustment problems such as lonely negativity, ex-partner attachment, and coparenting conflict (Sweeper & Halford, 2006). The quality of the ex-spouse relationship is also one of the more salient features affecting post-divorce adjustment: Divorced persons who continue to have positive feelings toward the ex-spouse after the divorce tend to experience greater distress than those who do not (Berman, 1988). Counselors should be aware of this as well so they can discuss the divorced person’s feelings toward their ex-spouse and how they may be affecting post-divorce adjustment.

Divorce commonly involves a host of other effects for the ex-spouses: emotional effects often including anxiety, guilt, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, and frustration; behavioral effects such as preoccupation with the divorce and related issues leading to a decline in efficiency or accident proneness; social effects such as family, friends and church members taking sides, criticizing, or withdrawing from the divorced person; confusion about whether they should date or remarry or serve in ministry and what the Bible really says on these issues, and spiritual effects, often including the tendency to withdraw spiritually (Collins, 1988).

On a more positive note, Bursik (1991) found in studying divorced women that many of those who experienced divorce as a disequilibrating life change also found that, over time, it resulted in further ego development. As Christians, we also know from passages such as James 1:2-4 that God can work through any form of suffering to produce mature character and to refine us. While divorce is never desirable, we must not overlook God’s redemptive, transforming work. In some cases, the tragedy of divorce may catapult a person to greater depths of intimacy with God and spiritual maturity. Rather than viewing divorced persons as second-class citizens, as Christians sometimes do (Adams, 1980; House, 1990), we should recognize that divorced persons are, like all Christians, sinners saved by grace who have been rescued from their former way of life, washed and sanctified (1 Cor. 6:11) and made new creations in Christ Jesus (2 Cor. 5:17).

A sensitive Christian counselor should assess for and treat any of these issues and effects present in the client(s) being treated. If the counselor is involved in decisions about a divorced person’s readiness or eligibility for either remarriage or ministry involvement, the counselor should assess the person’s overall wellness and stage of recovery from the issues mentioned, bearing in mind the positive spiritual effects that also may have resulted from the person’s suffering.


Relevant Theology and Scriptures
Due to the nature of the subject, discussion of the relevant theology and Scriptures has been incorporated in the section, “Positions Within the Church on Divorce, Remarriage, and Ministry Roles.” A more thorough, in-depth treatment of the theological issues is not possible in a document of this size; however, the presentation of the relevant theology and Scriptures in the “Positions” section summarizes almost all the main points generally discussed on the subject. One other passage that should be duly noted is Ezra 9-10: In this passage, Ezra, the priest and scribe of God and an expert in law, convinced many of the Jews to divorce their foreign wives who were influencing them to commit idolatry. It is suggested that this passage shows that in some cases, divorce is considered the “lesser of two evils” and is therefore sanctioned (Sprinkle, 1997). One interesting perspective on the subject of theological implications of divorce and remarriage is that of systematic theologian Grudem (1994, p. 26), who does not discuss divorce in his extensive Systematic Theology text, stating that it is an ethical rather than theological issue.

My Position
The formulation of my position on divorce and remarriage, and the place of divorced and remarried persons in ministry, begins with a careful study of what the Scriptures say. While careful evangelical scholars have come to varying conclusions on the subject, my own conclusion aligns most closely with that articulated by Adams (1980), a variation of what has been considered the “standard Protestant view”: While marriage was instituted by God and designed to be a lifelong covenant, that covenant can be dissolved if a serious breach of the covenant occurs. The Bible allows for divorce on the grounds of adultery or desertion. If a Christian (or a Christian’s spouse) is considering divorce, he or she should first follow the principles outlined in Matthew 18 to attempt reconciliation. However, if one spouse is unrepentant even after the process of church discipline, that person should be excommunicated from the church and the remaining spouse is free to divorce and to remarry. If a person has divorced and remarried on biblical grounds, that person should not be disqualified from serving in any ministry role that he or she is otherwise suited to.

If a person divorced on unbiblical grounds and has since repented, that person should first seek reconciliation with the ex-spouse, again following the principles outlined in Matthew 18. If reconciliation is no longer possible due to remarriage or unwillingness of the ex-spouse, the repentant person is not bound by the first marriage but is free to remarry and/or serve in ministry.

While Heth, Laney, and others taking the patristic view of divorce make some interesting interpretations of Matthew 19 and other relevant passages, for me there are two passages—which they tend to ignore—that sway me toward making the more clear interpretation of Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7: God writing Israel a certificate of divorce in Jeremiah 3, and Joseph being described as “righteous” for desiring to divorce Mary for unfaithfulness in Matthew 1. As Sprinkle (1997, p. 537) writes regarding leadership in the Church, Jeremiah 3 implies that undergoing divorce should not be considered an unconditional deterrent to Christian leadership; “to argue otherwise would lead us to the absurd conclusion that God, who ‘divorced’ Israel, must be disqualified from being Lord of the Church.” Adams (1980) reaches a similar conclusion, stating provocatively that we should remember in our treatment of divorced persons that God Himself is a divorced person!

From a practical standpoint, recognizing that separation and divorce can lead to a wide variety of harmful and distressing effects, a divorced person should receive counseling or at least assessment, before pursuing remarriage or entering a ministry role. The stress of divorce may also necessitate taking a leave of absence from a current ministry role. However, this should not be vastly different from the premarital counseling or ministry application and interview undergone by any other potential spouse or minister; divorced persons should not be treated as second-class citizens, and divorce is never listed in Scripture as an unpardonable sin.

Cultural Implications
As previously discussed, evangelical American culture and secular American culture tend toward opposite extremes in their view of divorce and remarriage. My view would seem harsh, extreme, and “judgmental” to most Americans outside the Church, but very permissive to some inside the Church. While some Christians make the mistake of conforming to the world’s standards by treating divorce lightly, many Christians fall to the other extreme of ostracizing and judging people who have been divorced, relegating them permanently to second-class status. I see no biblical grounds for this, and I believe that we as Christian counselors have a duty to earnestly seek to rightly interpret and apply Scriptures relating to marriage, divorce and remarriage so that we can wield our influence in a godly, biblical way.

Other cultures vary in their view of divorce. For example, Africa Inland Mission (AIM) accepts divorced persons meeting certain criteria for service as missionaries, but cannot place them in certain countries due to objections by host-country church leadership. A divorced person can serve freely with AIM in Tanzania, but not in Kenya, because the Kenyan church leadership has a policy against divorced persons serving in any ministry leadership positions. If a Christian counselor is working cross-culturally, he or she will need to learn and understand the views on divorce and remarriage that exist in the host culture, both inside and outside the Church.

Practical Applications to Counseling
Many of the practical applications to counseling have been discussed in previous sections: As counselors who are Christians, we have a biblical mandate to study the Scriptures so we can rightly interpret and apply God’s Word (2 Tim. 2:15). Since one function of counselors is to teach, and teachers will be judged more strictly (James 3:1), counselors need to be all the more careful to understand and apply God’s Word according to His intent. Counselors, therefore, need to earnestly search the Scriptures and seek the Holy Spirit’s illumination to understand what the Bible says about divorce, remarriage, and their effects on one’s eligibility for ministry, in order to correctly guide both our clients and the congregations in which we have influence. While clinical counselors may be limited in what they can say due to professional ethics, it is important to know one’s one view to avoid violating one’s conscience by implicitly encouraging any unbiblical action taken by one’s clients. Especially if a Christian client is considering divorce, remarriage, or ministry involvement after divorce and remarriage, the counselor needs to have an informed understanding of the biblical perspective to avoid leading a client astray, or imposing a burden on the client that is not from the Lord. Counselors also need to be aware of the common effects of separation and divorce in order to provide appropriate treatment for those so affected.

While some Christians may come to a different “biblical” conclusion than I do and I respect that, I do urge all Christians, and especially Christian leaders and counselors, to carefully consider the relevant issues and Scriptures before drawing their conclusions. The earthly future of thousands of American Christians rides on our interpretation of these issues, and should not be taken lightly.

References
Adams, J. (1980). Marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the Bible. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.
The Barna Group. (2004, September 8). Born again Christians just as likely to divorce as are non-Christians. The Barna Update. Retrieved December 4, 2007, from The Barna Update Web site: http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdate&BarnaUpdateID=170
Berman, W. (1988). The role of attachment in the post-divorce experience. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(3), 496-503. [Electronic version]
Blomberg, C. (1990). Marriage, divorce, remarriage, and celibacy: An exegesis of Matthew 19:3-12. Trinity Journal, 11(2), 161-196.
Bursik, K. (1991). Adaptation to divorce and ego development in adult women. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(2), 300-306. [Electronic version]
Charles Stanley, wife divorce; Atlanta church affirms pastor. (2000, May 31). Baptist Press. Retrieved December 4, 2007, from http://www.peacemakers.net/peace/cstanley.htm
Collins, G. (1988). Christian counseling: A comprehensive guide (Rev. ed.). Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group.
Colson, C. (2000). A high-profile divorce: The cost of biblical faithfulness. Breakpoint. Retrieved December 3, 2007, from BreakPoint Web site: http://www.worthynews.com/breakpoint/divorce.html
Edgar, T. (1990). Divorce & remarriage for adultery or desertion. In Divorce and remarriage: Four Christian views (pp. 151-196). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
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Grudem, W. (1994). Systematic theology. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
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Instone-Brewer, D. (2007, October 5). What God has joined. Christianity Today. Retrieved October 30, 2007, from Christianity Today Web site: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/october/20.26.html
Laney, J. (1990). No divorce and no remarriage. In H. W. House (Ed.), Divorce and remarriage: Four Christian views (pp. 15-54). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
Laney, J. (1992). Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and the issue of divorce. Bibliotheca Sacra, 149(593), 3-15.
Luck, W. (1987). Divorce and remarriage: Recovering the biblical view. San Francisco: Harper & Row.
MacLeod, D. (1992). The problem of divorce, part 1. Emmaus Journal, 1(2), 139-157.
Richards, L. (1990). Divorce and remarriage under a variety of circumstances. In Divorce and remarriage: Four Christian views (pp. 213-248). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
Saucy, R. (1974). The husband of one wife. Bibliotheca Sacra, 131(523), 230-240.
Snuth, D. (1990). Divorce and remarriage from the early church to John Wesley. Trinity Journal, 11(2), 132-158.
Sprinkle, J. (1997). Old Testament perspectives on divorce and remarriage. Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society, 40(4), 529-537.
Sweeper, S., & Halford, K. (2006). Assessing adult adjustment to relationship separation: The psychological adjustment to separation test. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(4), 632-640. [Electronic version]
Wiebe, P. (1989). Jesus' divorce exception. Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society, 32(3), 327-333.