Thank you all for your patience with my sporadic posting. I really appreciate the faithfulness of those of you who keep checking back with me!
So, it looks like I might be stuck in the difficult situation for the rest of the year. It's not definite yet but the powers that be don't yet see fit to spring me free. The situation did take a turn for the better this week, and I am moving toward adding a second internship site that sounds a lot more promising. I really am not sure how I'm going to fit everything in without feeling overloaded, but please pray that God will help me order each day according to HIS priorities!
I have to say, I really still hate my shots. They took a turn for the better a few weeks ago, and I felt like they were becoming more routine. I've had some more bad experiences with them since then though. Last week, I had lunch with two of my fellow interns, and we got to talking about my MS. One girl has asked me about it a number of times, but the other one is a new friend so she didn't know about it. I was so touched by their caring in wanting to hear the whole story, and by their sensitivity in responding.
They commented that I seem really at peace with it, and open to talking about it without being obsessive. I have to say, that is totally the work of God! :) He's brought me a long way. After my first attack of "possible MS" back in 2001, I came to really DREAD conversations about my health. Too emotionally charged, and I just hated the platitudes and the over-focus on that one part of my life. But I do feel like God has helped me be more at ease. And really, through the master's in counseling program I'm in, He's helped me become more at ease with myself in general. I still have a ways to go, but I'm not as afraid of my "deep dark secrets" anymore. I love the freedom He gives us in Him. :)
I also recognize though, that with the relapsing-remitting nature of the disease, it's not like I can just say, "OK, I have officially accepted MS and will never struggle with it again." Each time there's a flare or a change or a worsening, it might take some time to regain equilibrium, but each time my faith will be strengthened, as will my hope, and the knowledge that however long it takes, I WILL regain equilibrium eventually, and I will grow.
OK I'm tired so I should probably stop rambling at you all now. ;) Thanks for reading!
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4 comments:
Very good to see you again Faith! Having Lupus has been the biggest challenge for me...but not my health - my mind, my thoughts. It's a constant challenge to remember that my significance is not in my health. When I read your blog I see, in you, your dependence on God, your beautiful attitude (and I KNOW it isn't always easy) but you inspire people Faith - God is using this for His glory and He's entrusting you with it...wow! Be blessed friend!
You're welcome! We're in this together for His glory! I have learned much from you - you have blessed me and challenged me many times...
So good to hear from you again! I just keep lifting you up in prayer girl. You have touched my heart. I cannot wait to see what all this outcome is from these trials. SOmething good has to be coming on the other side of it!
Much love my friend,
Angela
I am having health issues so this quote from your post is particularly comforting:
Each time there's a flare or a change or a worsening, it might take some time to regain equilibrium, but each time my faith will be strengthened, as will my hope, and the knowledge that however long it takes, I WILL regain equilibrium eventually, and I will grow.
Kate
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