HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Long-lost blogger Faith is back!! Thanks to those of you who have checked in on me and sent me Christmas and New Year greetings. I am so blessed by you Siestas!

Sorry for my long silence; between the hecticness of the end of the semester and then traveling 23 hours round trip for the holidays (TJ's family this year), blogging was one of many things I fell behind on! But now I am back and ...

Enjoying Break!
I have three glorious weeks of Christmas break stretching ahead of me, since I don't have to take any J-term classes this year. Hallelujah! I'm still doing internship (one day a week), but other than that I finally have time to catch up on the rest of life--everything from organizing closets to expanding my cooking repertoire to writing some long-overdue emails and article proposals!--and enjoy the break from academia! I think I was kind of in burnout mode by the end of fall semester, and I am so thankful for this time to step back, look at the big picture, and move forward into 2008 with what I hope will be holy intentionality.

The other day I walked next door to our landlady's house to pay the rent. She asked if I'd like to come in and chat for a bit ... and I was actually able to say yes! This dear lady was widowed in Spring '05, a few months before we moved in. I often find myself wishing I had more time to reach out to her, but I've discovered that a visit with her is never quick and over the past year and a half, I've never felt like I had time to just sit and visit for a few hours; always too many "to do"s hanging over my head. It felt so good to be able to just sit and visit with her without having to pay for it by staying up late to finish a paper due the next day!

I'm also hoping to re-establish connections with friends over this break. It's been tough since we got married and moved out to the country; either of those things can really disrupt one's social life, and both at once combined with full-time graduate studies put a huge damper on my friend-time! I've really felt the lack, especially of time with sisters--outside of classes, internship, and scheduled times of mentoring or accountability. Hopefully I will be able to have quality time building friendships which will carry through into the busy semester ahead!

Savoring Christmas Memories
This was my first Christmas with TJ's family (last year we spent Thanksgiving with them and Christmas with mine), and I really enjoyed it. I am so thankful to have married into this wonderful family. It's been exactly two years now since I met them (4 months after meeting TJ!) and it's been fun to watch the kids grow up. My youngest niece wasn't even walking yet when I first met the family. Although I am a latecomer to this clan, it's fun to realize that she at least will never remember a time before "Aunt Faith" was in the family. :)

Reflecting Anew on My Weakness and His Sufficiency
As I've mentioned in previous entries, my internship has been a test of faith in many ways. Four months into what I'd planned to be an 11-month internship, I have only been able to meet 5% of the requirements for "client contact hours"! It's been frustrating for me (and several classmates who are in the same boat), and TJ and I are really wondering how to plan for the future when it's so hard to tell when I'll really be able to finish the internship requirements and graduate, so we can move someplace with a better job market for both of us! It is so hard to watch TJ going off day after day to a job he only tolerates, that's not really using his gifts or his hard-earned MDiv, and that doesn't pay him nearly what he's worth (or what we need to make ends meet!). Trying to trust that God has purposes for allowing this slow pace, but also seeking to discern how to wisely plan and where to focus our job-hunting efforts.

At the same time, I've wrestled with some insecurities, doubts and fears about my own abilities and readiness for this, my chosen field. I do believe that God has called me into it ... but I have been praying for months that God will bring to me the people He wants me to work with, and wonder what to make of the fact that He's hardly brought me anyone! Am I not ready? Does He not trust me in this role yet? Is He just trying to teach me something about His timing? I am eager to put into practice all I've learned before I forget it all! ;) Yet opportunities to do so have been very few and far-between.

The week before Christmas, I had a rough week at internship. Looking back after my client-time, I saw so many things I'd done wrong, that I should have done differently. Yes, I'm just an intern, and it takes practice to put all I've learned together skillfully (just like learning how to drive, as my supervisor reminded me). But this deep sense of inadequacy had me questioning again whether I'm really right for this field. Rather than giving in to the worry and fear, I sought to turn to God to this, TRUSTING Him to bring me exactly--and only--the people He wants me to work with, in His timing, and to guide me through each session. TRUSTING in His strength and wisdom and work rather than solely in my own skills, knowledge and abilities. And ...

This week, things went so much more smoothly. I had a strong sense of Him carrying me, giving me the words to say, helping me know when to hold back and what to follow up on. Things just clicked. I still don't know what He's up to in allowing me to face such an uphill battle to get these internship requirements completed, but that experience was like a burst of encouragement, a reminder that, "You can trust me. I know what I'm doing. It may not seem like it, but I will come through for you, and I'll do what is best--both for you and for the people I send you to work with."